He's Not a Safe Lion...

I'm never sure how exactly to begin a blog post. Do I start with the ever-cliche but always thought provoking quote? Or do I try to think of my own profound way of summing up what this blog post is going to be about? I think that's the real problem-because if I tried to sum up what my blogs were about in my opening sentence, it would look something like this:

"This is going to be an unbelievably erratic and completely disorganized jumble of my ridiculous thoughts, and I'm not really sure how long it will be because I usually just write until I feel like stopping." So yeah, hang on for dear life if you want- welcome to my crazy mind. =)

Lately God has been taking me on a real journey. I can't say that it's been fun- but it's been so, so good. It reminds me of the quote in the Chronicles of Narnia when Lucy asks Mr. Beaver if Aslan the lion (representing Jesus) is safe, to which he replies, "Safe? Who said anything about safe? Of course he isn't safe. But he's good." God doesn't promise our safety, or our happiness- but he promises GOOD for our lives. Knowing that every trial that we have seen is only one sent to make us realize our need and the rescuing qualities of our savior.

"Our Lord in his infinite wisdom and superabundant love sets such a high value upon His people's faith that He will not protect them from those trials by which faith is strengthened. You would never have possessed the precious faith that now supports you if the trial of your faith had not put you through the fire."

I LOVE the God who loves me enough to send trials. I can't say that I enjoy them the way I enjoy laying on the beach during spring break. I can't say they are blissful- but I can say they are GOOD. And they are making me into someone better than the crummy, controlling, insecure person that I am without them.

He loves me too much to leave me in my waste. OH PRAISE HIM for this!

This semester I have really struggled with knowing if grad school is what I am supposed to be doing. I think it's because I didn't see grad school as a source of joy in my life- and I know that when I am in God's will I should be experiencing joy. I find joy in so many other ways- and it made me wonder if I wasn't just supposed to move away and do missions and be able to be open with other people about Jesus. Then, like a slap in the face, God spoke. He made me realize that I have such a mission field here, at the clinic with my clients and with my friends. He showed me that if I can't be a missionary in my workplace, I have no business trying to be a missionary anywhere else. It's easy to go to another country where you don't know anyone, where children are happy to see you and the people need you, where they don't have any expectations of you, and they don't know your junk and your struggles. It's easy to have all the answers then. But what about in your workplace, where everyone around you has maybe seen you on a really bad day? What about around kids who aren't so happy to see you? What about with people you feel the need to impress? It's not so easy then.

I have found that it's all about my mindset, and clearing and preparing my mind for something new every day. My Jesus is just waiting for me with arms full of opportunities to show him to others, and it's up to me whether or not I'm going to miss those opportunities or not. This weekend at church, the pastor said something that really hit me. He said, "Gifted people who don't use their gifts for Godliness bring praise to themselves and their gifts. But Godly people who use their gifts bring praise and attention to their God." In other words- if I'm using my gifts humbly, and for the Lord, people should look at me and see JESUS. If I'm using my gifts to bring attention to myself and to get others to see how gifted I am, then yeah, maybe people will see my gifts- but they'll miss Jesus. They will see me, and not him. I don't want people to see me- I want them to see Jesus.

When I go to work I want people to ask, "Does this therapist work for a hospital or for God? Does she spend her day in work or worship? Does she make money or a difference? Every morning she climbs in the boat Jesus loaned her. The two of them row out into the water and cast nets." ---(from Max Lucado)

How can we make our work be worshipful? How can I use my gifts to help people around me- to show them Jesus? How can I make a difference in more than just someone's speech therapy? How can I be in love with people, and not their perfections? How can I learn that loving relationship is more important than anything else?

I love than in all these thoughts, Jesus is just revealing the surface of his depths. I could learn about him, taste his goodness forever, and it would only be a drop in the bucket. I could try with all my heart to be worthy to earn what he has freely given me in his salvation, but I would come up pitifully short. I can't fathom his goodness. I can't believe he would never give up on me. No matter how annoying I can get, no matter how much I complain, or how needy I am- he never walks out. I can spit in his face, and he wraps his arms tighter around me. And yet, as he wraps me up in his arms, he sends things into my life to mess everything up. He destroys my dreams that aren't rooted in him. And sometimes, all I can see is the destruction. But the beautiful truth is that he sees the finish line. He knows exactly what I need in order to bring him the most glory and me the most joy, and he loves me enough to not let me rest in the mediocre. He sends the storms, but he drives the boat that makes it through them. He may not be safe, he is not just a nice guy. He is not afraid to step on my toes, and he doesn't care about my comfort. But he is GOOD. He is righteous. He is faithful. And where people will let me down, he never will. Where I will fail, he will pick up the pieces and make it better than it was before.

Never in my life have I felt so loved by such a big God, and yet so unworthy of it. That is the beauty of real love.

"My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all ; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand." -John 10:29