Be Still

Maybe this is one of those sayings ingrained in the back of my mind since childhood... the one that I can still hear ringing in my ears from my mother's voice saying it over and over and over again... "Megan BE STILL!" I was never one for being still-and to this day I can't stand in one place without swaying, shifting my weight from one foot to another. When it comes to class, well I lost that battle before it even started. I don't like being cooped up, I don't like chains, and I don't like rules.

Yet, tonight I find myself sitting in my barren living room, lit only by a small lamp in the corner. My dog is curled up beneath it, resting. It’s in this unshakable peace that I’m left with the thoughts of the day. It truly takes the Lord to bring me to a place of stillness like this. I love these moments-the ones that make you forget that you need anything in the world but silence and the heartbeat of Jesus. The thump, thump, thump of his that you can’t really hear in the hustle and bustle of the day, but only when you pause and be STILL.

Lately, life has been cascading by at a mile a minute. Winter gave way to spring, and now the warmth and life of summer. It’s that time of year that I love- when walking outside alone is enough. Yet this year, it’s different. This year, college has closed its doors, and new beginnings (what other type of beginning is there except a new one?) are at hand. I find myself in this somewhat restless state, where my carnal self wants to have life planned out from here, and my spirit is whispering quietly, be STILL.

It’s funny because everyone always feels busy, but always has time to fulfill their utmost desires. That’s so convicting to think about-how much time I waste. I wonder what my life would look like if I grasped onto the truth with both hands clenched tightly. This life is fleeting, like a vapor. The days come, and they go- they are uncertain. Everything you gain in this life will evaporate like the morning dew, and what will I be left with then? My heart cries out for depth. Lord, let me be rooted, steadfast. Let my eyes be fixed on you, the author and the finisher of my faith. You have given me everything I need to accomplish your will, and YOU are FAITHFUL. As soon as I open my mouth to speak your praises I find every utterance so desperately insufficient, so stark and empty in the vastness of your true character. In the ocean of my heart, you tell my insufficiency, “Peace, be STILL.”

It’s in that solitude that everything once blurry suddenly finds its rest, the spinning stops, and suddenly, life becomes clear again. Like a woman with bad vision after lasik- all of a sudden details make sense, life becomes easier to see. Its like we’re looking through God’s eyes after all. Jesus, give me a THIRST for your word like I thirst for water… or in my case a Route 44 Sonic coke on one of these long summer days. Teach me to love with fullness, teach me to remember I dwell in the depths, and surface only momentarily. I LOVE you Jesus.

-Megan

Why Whale?

I have to admit, I got kind of suckered into this blogging bit. I'm not much for sharing the inner workings of my thought process with the outside world, but here I am. I feel like in this first entry, I should let you in on a little piece of my heart, and tell you why I entitled my blog "Speaking Whale."

I'll admit, every time I see it, I think of Dori on Finding Nemo, and picture her swimming through the ocean calling out to the whales, "oOoOOOOOOOoooooOOOO!!!" It makes me laugh a little, which could possibly be the reason for the title... or possibly not?

Then, there's the fact that since age seven, I was convinced that I wanted to be a marine biologist solely because I wanted to swim with Shamu at Sea World. Now, I see that a stretchy wetsuit wouldn't do much for my figure, and quite frankly, after hearing the news reports about trainers that have been killed in the line of duty, I'm not so sure about all that. But, that being said-there is something majestic and powerful about the whale. There is a quiet strength, an overwhelming vastness. Perhaps this is why?

Or, maybe it's because my favorite Bible story was the story of a royal screw-up named Jonah. One of those guys who quite honestly reminds me of myself at times. Fleeing from the truth, panicky that my plan won't work out, forgetful of the overwhelming control of God over my life and all the plans in it. I forget so often how much bigger God is than pathetic me. But, that whale... the vessel God used to humble Jonah... I have whales of my own. The big, man eating kind that reminds me that I am so silly to think I can ever escape the will of God- or that I would EVER want to. Maybe that's why I love the whale.

But no, all of these reasons, although contributing factors, are not the reason I decided to entitle my blog "Speaking Whale." Instead, let me take you into the heart of one of my dearest friends, Charis:

"Most of the time, people who know God act as if He is some great depth that they must only venture into a few times in a day, and that the shallow portion of life is where they most often ought to remain. The truth, is that God has invited us to spend most of our time in the deep place with Him, only venturing into the shallow portions when it is necessary. Somehow it all connected in my brain to this whale. People pay a lot of money to go whale watching, and they go for a few seconds of a whale's surfacing. But they never leave the watch thinking, "Gee, I wish whales spent most of their time above the surface...that way we'd really get a good look at 'em."

The glory of a whale is that the surface is NOT its home. It makes it surfacing all the more exquisite, shocking, undeniably loud for the watching world. How often I live like I can only handle so much depth, and that the world watching me needs me surface level. What if we, who profess to know God, mimicked those glorious kings of the sea? What if we lived in the deep places of God, and only momentarily broke the surface, to wow and convict and convince the watching world that our glory depends on the fact that we are not surface-level. We go deep."

WOW. There you have it. The Glory of a whale is that the surface is NOT its home. Instead, it find rest in the depths. Lord Jesus, let me go deep. And when I have gone to depths I think I cannot handle, equip me to go deeper still. Never let me find peace and rest at the surface.

-Megan