Be Still

Maybe this is one of those sayings ingrained in the back of my mind since childhood... the one that I can still hear ringing in my ears from my mother's voice saying it over and over and over again... "Megan BE STILL!" I was never one for being still-and to this day I can't stand in one place without swaying, shifting my weight from one foot to another. When it comes to class, well I lost that battle before it even started. I don't like being cooped up, I don't like chains, and I don't like rules.

Yet, tonight I find myself sitting in my barren living room, lit only by a small lamp in the corner. My dog is curled up beneath it, resting. It’s in this unshakable peace that I’m left with the thoughts of the day. It truly takes the Lord to bring me to a place of stillness like this. I love these moments-the ones that make you forget that you need anything in the world but silence and the heartbeat of Jesus. The thump, thump, thump of his that you can’t really hear in the hustle and bustle of the day, but only when you pause and be STILL.

Lately, life has been cascading by at a mile a minute. Winter gave way to spring, and now the warmth and life of summer. It’s that time of year that I love- when walking outside alone is enough. Yet this year, it’s different. This year, college has closed its doors, and new beginnings (what other type of beginning is there except a new one?) are at hand. I find myself in this somewhat restless state, where my carnal self wants to have life planned out from here, and my spirit is whispering quietly, be STILL.

It’s funny because everyone always feels busy, but always has time to fulfill their utmost desires. That’s so convicting to think about-how much time I waste. I wonder what my life would look like if I grasped onto the truth with both hands clenched tightly. This life is fleeting, like a vapor. The days come, and they go- they are uncertain. Everything you gain in this life will evaporate like the morning dew, and what will I be left with then? My heart cries out for depth. Lord, let me be rooted, steadfast. Let my eyes be fixed on you, the author and the finisher of my faith. You have given me everything I need to accomplish your will, and YOU are FAITHFUL. As soon as I open my mouth to speak your praises I find every utterance so desperately insufficient, so stark and empty in the vastness of your true character. In the ocean of my heart, you tell my insufficiency, “Peace, be STILL.”

It’s in that solitude that everything once blurry suddenly finds its rest, the spinning stops, and suddenly, life becomes clear again. Like a woman with bad vision after lasik- all of a sudden details make sense, life becomes easier to see. Its like we’re looking through God’s eyes after all. Jesus, give me a THIRST for your word like I thirst for water… or in my case a Route 44 Sonic coke on one of these long summer days. Teach me to love with fullness, teach me to remember I dwell in the depths, and surface only momentarily. I LOVE you Jesus.

-Megan